When You’re the Villain in Someone Else’s Story

Every so often, this random thing happens. It kind of comes out of nowhere.

And when I say “nowhere,” I don’t mean I didn’t feel it coming. Because the truth is, I usually do feel it. I’ve gotten better at spotting the signs before it boils over.

…when I’m about to become the villain in someone else’s story.

I sometimes joke and say, “I’m like the nicest person I know.” And while I say it with a laugh, I mean it. I know I’m kind, and I try to do the right thing. So it always feels like a gut punch when someone twists their version of me into something I don’t even recognize.

I started to think back on the times this has happened:

1. My (ex) husband

2. A co-worker

3. A friend

4. A parent

5. A family member

And I thought… wow. That’s coming at me from all directions.

Now before you think, Okay Monica, that’s a lot of people. Maybe it’s you?
I ask myself that too. Every time.

I always check in and ask, “What was my part in this?” Because I believe in taking ownership. We all have blindspots, and I’m not exempt.

Sometimes, yeah, I’ve messed up. I’ve said the wrong thing, reacted the wrong way, or just didn’t see the full picture. But when I do mess up, I own it. Fully. No hiding behind excuses.

But when I looked at those five situations, I noticed some patterns. Here’s what I saw:

1. They often talked badly about others, not just me

2. They led with insecurity instead of curiosity

3. They struggled to see the good in people

4. They were more focused on what others were doing than on the work they needed to do within themselves.

5. Their words were hurtful

6. They held grudges like it was second nature

7. They wanted me to take full responsibility for how they felt

I’m happy to say I’m no longer the villain to a few of them. Time passed. Conversations happened. Healing showed up in unexpected ways.

But the biggest growth happened within me.

I used to defend myself like my life depended on it. I would over-explain, try to change their minds, twist myself into a version I thought they’d accept.
But over time, I learned there’s power in not responding to every accusation.
Not everything needs a reaction. Sometimes the most grounded thing you can do is stay quiet and let your peace speak louder than their noise.

And then I learned this: Nothing is personal.
Yes! Finally. I had the formula.
It wasn’t about me. It was about them. I felt unstoppable — or so I thought.

Then came the friend who shattered my heart. That one hurt more than I expected. And even though I had already learned that it wasn’t personal, I also learned this truth — it can still hurt like hell, even when it’s not personal.

More recently, I found myself in this situation again. Cast as the villain.
I went through my checklist:

Not personal? Check.
Still hurts? Check.

I didn’t respond right away. I gave it space. Of course, that silence was taken as me avoiding accountability, but I had learned that jumping in to defend myself would only fuel the story they had already decided to believe.

And eventually, when I did respond, I kept it honest and respectful.
I said what I needed to say.
And I ended with this:

“I will not take accountability for your perception of me. I know who I am.”

And I swear, the universe cheered.
It whispered, “You did it. This is growth.”

I moved through the emotion faster than I ever had before.
Because I finally understood something important. I won’t change their version of the story.

But I know who I am. And that’s what I carry forward.

So if you ever find yourself being cast as the villain in someone else’s story, here’s what I’ve learned.
💫You don’t have to twist yourself into knots trying to make them see your heart.
💫You can reflect. You can take ownership if needed. But you don’t need to beg for understanding from someone committed to misunderstanding you.
💫Some people aren’t looking for resolution. They’re looking for someone to blame. Don’t let it be you.
💫Stand in your truth. Keep growing. And remind yourself that you know who you are.