What I Wish I Knew as a New Leader Blog Post

What I Wish I Knew as a New Leader

This past week, I had the opportunity to serve on a women’s leadership panel—and someone asked a question that really stuck with me:

“What’s something you would go back and tell yourself as a new leader?”

Next to me on the panel was my friend and fellow speaker, Nicole Caley. Nicole and I have been presenting at the IOFM conference for years. It’s always been a fun pairing because we’re so different. Nicole is the no-BS kind of leader—clear, direct, and laser-focused. I tend to lead with warmth, intuition, and emotion. I’m the “warm and fuzzy” to her straight-shooting style.

But when that question came up, we gave each other that familiar glance—the one that says, “I think we’re about to say the same thing.” And we did.

We both answered:

It sounds so simple. But that pause? It’s everything.

In my sessions on navigating change, I talk a lot about The Power of PAUSE. It’s both a mindset and a tool, but in this case, it’s about the literal pause—the moment you take before saying something you can’t take back.

One of my favorite stories about this comes from Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She was known for pausing before speaking, often taking a quiet moment to gather her thoughts. People called it the “two-Mississippi rule.” That intentional pause gave her the space to choose her words carefully. To lead with clarity, not emotion. To listen fully before speaking.

I wish I’d done more of that.

Like many new leaders, I used to think I had to respond immediately to show confidence. I thought hesitation meant weakness or lack of knowledge. So I responded fast. Too fast. And I’ve said things I wish I could take back. I’d love to blame my prefrontal cortex—it wasn’t always pulling its weight in those early years. But the truth is, I hadn’t yet learned that strong leadership isn’t about quick answers. It’s about thoughtful ones.

Pausing doesn’t mean you’re unsure. It means you’re intentional.

It gives you space to ask:
Is this helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Am I reacting or responding?

Or even—as posed in the book The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut—Was that a question?

Because let’s be honest: sometimes we speak just to fill the air, not to add value. We make statements that sound like contributions but aren’t actually moving the conversation forward. That pause? It creates the space to decide whether what you’re about to say truly matters—or if silence might actually serve the moment better.

If you’re a new leader, or even a seasoned one still finding your footing, here’s my advice:

Don’t fill the silence too quickly. Let the pause do its work.

You might be surprised how much wisdom shows up when you give it room to speak.